So many of you already know, I had to take a break from writing for a while. I was pregnant with a little bundle of joy; yet, I wasn't feeling too jolly about it. Many days I pondered over what you would think of me because I'm a Christian blogger who's pregnant and single…pretty hypocritical, right? While many people reminded me that grace was enough for me, I just didn't believe them. I thought I had to do something magical to win everybody over. I wanted to be perfect, you know, just like Jesus, and I was ashamed that I wasn't perfect like Him.
At twenty-three, not only was I now a young mother, but I found myself battling with feeling like a statistic. I felt like somebody somewhere would use me in a sentence describing the family member at the cookout who fell off while saying to the younger ones, “don’t end up like her.”
Here's where this testimony takes a shift though. I felt much shame for my decisions; yet, God was extremely merciful. He sent minister after minister to me. He grabbed me by my hand on too many nights to even try to count. He sent dreams in the middle of the night. He sent new friends to hear my heart and not my circumstances. He completely blew my mind! How could a God who sees all this mess I’ve created still love me like this?
While taking this time away from writing, I was still working. I worked on how to be more transparent and honest about my struggles. Not just as a millennial…but as a mom, friend, mentor, singer, writer, author, podcaster, and much more. How could I do it? This is what was running through my mind day after day!
Many people told me that because I was having my son I would run slower and most of my time would now be gone. My first thoughts were “well, there goes all my dreams.” I quickly rejected the thought and said “well, how can I change that narrative?” How can I tell other moms and older moms that you can work a full-time job, run a side business, be a good friend, mentor students, write a book…and still spend time with the kids, bathe them, feed them, and get them to bed on time?
I first had to find this reality for myself. This took me going through the pain and feelings the burdens of moms across the world. I felt like in a matter of 12 months, nine spent being pregnant and the three that he's been here, God has made me feel the weight just so I can talk about it.
These are some of the weights I carried FOR YOU:
NO MONEY
BABY CRYING AND YOU’RE ALONE
DEPRESSED AND CANNOT EXPLAIN WHY
NO FORMULA
NO STRATEGY
SO MANY QUESTIONS
TRYING TO RUN A BUSINESS
NO TIME TO TAKE YOUR OWN BATH
LOSING CREATIVITY
DESIRING LOVE AND CAN'T GET IT
OVERCOMPENSATING
LACK OF DRIVE
NO SUPPORT
MUCH SUPPORT BUT FEELINGS OF GUILT BECAUSE OF IT
CONSTANTLY TIRED
NO RELIABILITY
NO REAL FRIENDS
CONSTANTLY CRYING FOR REASONS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL
EMBARRASSMENT
HUMILIATION
THE BUTT OF THE JOKE
ISOLATION
SEPARATION
SHAME
LACK OF PEACE
LACK OF SLEEP
BETRAYED
CHEATED ON
I have carried these weights for my own breakthrough, but for yours too. I carried these with a frown and sometimes with a smile. A large amount of folk would say, “don't let them see you frown, cry, or look down,” but little did they know, real depression will have you so down to the point where there’s no faking it.
So, yes, I have endured these things just to come back with a greater punch! To prove to the devil that I am ready for war. Might have given me a black eye in one season, but OH, now that I am HEALED, there's no telling what He will do! Same goes for you…maybe last season was really hard; maybe you felt like you got hit so hard you lost yourself. No worries…REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE and REMEMBER WHOSE YOU ARE!
This launch is full of blog posts which will be about TRANSPARENCY AND TRANSITIONS.
No longer being afraid of the story; no longer being afraid of the voices; no longer being ashamed of the outcome; no longer holding back because of fear.
We will embrace our transitions with transparency. Stay tuned for more on how I made it through. Most of all, stay tuned because you will too! ☺
I have now expanded my blog to a fully functioning business.
What do I mean by this?
I am now offering services such as mentoring.
I am creating some online writing challenges.
I am doing fun giveaways to engage with you.
I am offering more video content on YouTube.
I am retailing apparel for you to rep your transitions well.
I am hosting webinars, courses, and live events.
I have formed a private Facebook group for safe place transition talk.
How can you benefit?
You will benefit by putting your life back on the potter’s wheel. You will see that you aren't the only one whose transition has brought about feelings of nakedness and loneliness. You will feel a sense of community and an enormous amount of love. You will embrace who you REALLY are!
How can I share this with others?
Encourage your family and friends who are seriously struggling and need a safe place to talk about their new life transition by directing them to our family:
Facebook Group: Transparency and Transitions
Follow us on Instagram: @capricouturecreations @gracedforit_
I am excited about being transparent with you, and like always, KEEP CREATING CREATORS!
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